Tuesday, March 20, 2012

Glass

Merriam Webster's Dictionary defines glass as follows: 
any of various amorphous materials formed from a melt by cooling to rigidity without crystallization: asa : a usually transparent or translucent material consisting typically of a mixture of silicatesb : a material (as obsidian) produced by fast cooling of magma 


This is a good, solid definition for the word glass when used as a noun. 


However, I would like to add my own definition:






SHARP!!!! PAIN!!!!! OWWWW!!!!!!!!! GET OUT OF MY FOOT NOOOOOOWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!


As you may have guessed, last night, I stepped on a piece of glass in our garage. I just thought you would all like to know.  


From here, I will detail the mature way you handle a situation like this.  Let me be a role model to all of you. Of course, I was the model of composure, always taking the high road in this situation.  Never letting myself get emotional or.... um ...... loud.


Calmly take yourself inside to the well-lit kitchen. 


Sit on the chair. Upon discovering the shard of glass in your foot, do not immediately feel queasy.


If, once removing said shard, you begin to bleed profusely, sweetly call out to your dear husband "Darling, I could use your assistance in the kitchen please. Thank you ever so much."


If he doesn't hear you or respond the first (second, third, eighteenth) time you call, do not panic. Do not get overly emotional.  At no point is it appropriate to say when he finally mutters something about being busy and will come soon "FINE THEN!!!! I'LL JUST SIT HERE GUSHING BLOOD!!!!!!!" That would be a tad melodramatic, don't you think?


If your dearest eventually does rush to your aid after your non-melodramatic please for help, ask him calmly for a cloth with some cool water. Never a hurried "Get me something to stop the bleeding! No, not the YODA napkin!!!!"


If he asks where "your" bandaids are you are out, in a nice level voice respond "We currently don't have them.  Please get the gauze instead."   Do not respond in a high pitched voice "We're out! And they're not MY bandaids!!!! You could get hurt too!!!!!!"


If he should happen to notice the blood that is dripping on the floor and tells you "oh, don't let the cats lick that up" you may in fact start composing a mental list of things within arm distance to throw at him. This is okay.  This is still a mature response as long as you don't act on this impulse.


When he sees your blood covered hand, I am sure he will be appropriately sympathetic and NOT say "Ewww..... you need to wash that! Gross!"  Because, after all, he is your empathetic, sweet husband.


Eventually, as you limp around for the rest of the night (and the next morning.... glass hurts!), you will look back on the situation and be glad that you followed my advice. 


You know..... not being melodramatic and all. :) 

1 comment:

  1. Oh dear! Will be praying there's NO infection and that it doesn't happen again. =)

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