Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Deanna's How To Guide On: Annoying People on an Airplane!

So, flight back to Michigan……
I’m actually typing this on the plane (yay for my first trip post-laptop!) but obviously can’t post from the plane. But since I have nothing else to do except apparently entertain my crazy seatmate, I shall write a blog. Allow me to explain…..
The flight from Spokane to Phoenix was CROWDED! As in, every single seat was taken. And somehow, I ended up with a middle seat instead of the aisle that I thought I booked. (I love aisle seats and hate the trapped feeling of a non-aisle seat!) So I kept thinking in the back of my mind (as I sat between aisle guy who was sleeping thereby blocking the exit and window guy who was talkative and hairy and kept eating stinky beef jerky) “Wouldn’t it be great if I had a row to myself on the flight from Phoenix to Detroit?” (I had one on my way from Phoenix to Spokane last week and it was FABULOUS! I slept practically the whole way by stretching out between 3 seats!
Fast forward to boarding the plane….. it looks like a light crowd. Things are definitely looking favorably!
Fast forward to them finishing boarding the plane. Things are definitely looking good! They announce that people can feel free to find alternate seats if they choose since there are so many empty seats. I watch nervously to see if anyone is currently in a row of 3 and they’re going to take one of “my” seats…. No? Yay! I can sleep! (Keep in mind my plane lands at 1:30 a.m. 45 minutes from home and I get up for work tomorrow around 6. My desire for sleep is totally justified, I think!
The captain turns off the “fasten seatbelts” light. I decide to stretch out a little as I continue reading. Not completely out – I don’t get out my pillow quite yet, but I move to the window seat for back support and stretch my legs out on the other two seats.
About 5 minutes later, this lady comes and says “I’m going to sit here now. I’m in a row by myself and I don’t like flying alone!” So she sits down in my aisle seat! Now I can’t get up whenever I want! Now I’m once again trapped! Now I’m forced to listen to her as she talks and talks. And, she’s a nervous flyer , so she keeps asking me over and over “How much longer?” My response each time (as I’m not wearing a watch and don’t even really know exactly when we’re landing”) “I don’t know.” I make polite conversation for like half an hour and sporadically after that as she started talking.
She finally got up to harass/talk to the crew about what causes turbulence, are we going to crash, how much longer, etc. and I take the opportunity to remove a few items from my carry-on since I can now access it. These items included my pillow, my food, and my headphones. When she comes back, I’m watching a DVD on my computer. Can there really be any clearer sign to a stranger on a plane that you don’t feel like talking than headphones on which I pointedly remove every time she asks me “how much longer?” If so, I have no idea what it is. But, being subtle is lost on this woman. (The headphones trick never works with my mom either…. But I thought with a stranger it just might.) She persists in making comments every couple of minutes. “Are we landing soon?” “Are you supposed to have your computer on?” “What time is it?” (Um, I don’t know. Yes, or they would have announced it. You’re the one with the watch.”)
I’m now considering moving on to step 2 – pretending to sleep!


  1. Lucky you! =) Sounds exciting.

  2. ugh...how annoying. You were way nicer than I would have been.

  3. That sounds like a rough plane trip! I feel bad for that lady though, sounds like she shouldn't travel alone!

  4. You should have told her that you don't like to travel with people and then told her you were going to sit in her empty row. btw, I just got your text. My phone was lost all night. I just found it in the kids race car toy.