Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Sometimes, I just don't understand

Well, last night, I went to bed feeling pretty down. My heart was hurting for so many people.

To summarize my evening, I was at a residential crisis pregnancy center I volunteer at. So many of the residents that I have worked with the past year or so have come from the worst situations - it's so sad hearing the stories. I always wonder, when I meet a new one who shares a terrible story, will these stories stop hurting one day? Will I become numb to the terrible things I'm told? I really hope not. Not because I like hurting, but because I never want to minimize their pain. I never want to become cold to God's children who are hurting so badly.

Last night was no exception. The newest resident was opening up to me about how she ended up there. I don't want to go into details, but it was an abusive situation. In addition to that, very little family support.

Then, as I was about to go to bed, I logged into facebook. Almost instantly, more pain on behalf of a friend. A friend who has made it clear that she and her husband want to have a baby. They've been trying for some time. She's made it clear that this is something that hurts her. Yet, several people (who I know were well meaning) were teasing her on her status that maybe she's pregnant.

I've had other friends - on blogs and in real life - struggle and struggle with fertility. It's such a painful thing.

So here in the space of 2 hours I was hurting for someone who struggled to choose to give their baby life instead of aborting, but really is not prepared for the baby at this time; but also for a friend who so wants a baby and would provide a great, stable home, yet does not have one. And my heart hurts for them both. But at the same time, I always wonder "Why, God? Why can she have the baby that she doesn't even know if she wants, yet SHE can't have the baby that she so desperately wants?" And I don't have the answers. But the questions keep coming.

But I do know that a) all babies are precious, especially to God; b) God has a plan and a purpose for each life that is put on earth; c) it's not my job to understand but to trust. He hasn't called me to try to figure out all the answers, but to be faithful to what He's called me to do.

And what He's called me to do in this situation? Minister His love to them both - to the girl who feels confused and hopeless, I can listen and I can pray. To the friend who feels the emptiness - I can listen and I can pray.

And that's what I'll keep doing.

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